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The Road Not Travelled

Posted on Fri Jun 29th, 2018 @ 2:45pm by Lieutenant Commander Tate Sullivan Ph.D.

We've been given several days of R&R at Deep Space Nine, and I couldn't be more pleased for the crew. Things have been difficult for them of late, and frankly, I'm still helping them sort out of the impact of recent events. Some are just starting to share how they felt about meeting alternate versions of themselves, and I must say, I'm glad I was spared that particular opportunity.

Of course, it would seem Fate is determined for me to confront an alternate life for myself one way or another. I'm still just as conflicted over being the guardian to Feyth's unborn child as I ever was, and as the child's arrival grows closer, I am no closer to knowing how to feel or what to say to her. I know all too well I can't pretend the worst will never happen. While I was on the ship, the prospect terrified me, but now that I'm here on the station, it seems all I can see are happy mothers and fathers with their children. In this whole thing, I never stopped to consider how I would feel if I didn't get to be a mother to a child, hers via tragedy or my own via a loving and trusting relationship. Time to myself means time to watch people go by and to consider the road less traveled.

Although intellectually I understand alternate universes can reflect all sorts of possibilities, I can't help but wonder if the reason I didn't have an alternate self this time around was because even there, I have always been destined to die doing my job. On the ship, that prospect didn't bother me, but being here now and seeing all of these happy families, I think the only thing that scares me more than becoming someone's parent or guardian is never getting the opportunity in the first place. I would never stop faith from excelling in her career, but I don't know I will ever be prepared for saying goodbye to a child I have fallen in love with.

***

Tate turned off the recorder and decided there was only one thing she could do now that her thoughts had turned so maudlin. It was time to get some comfort food.

 

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